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Thoughts of Shawn............

In Memory of Shawn

I decided to write a poem

In your memory,

Just to let you know

How much you meant to me

From the moment your parents announced

They were expecting,

Ooh! How cool I thought it would be

To do the uncle thing

When I saw you at the hospital

In the nursery,

I was so elated to have become

An uncle finally

After I moved in with you

When you were only one,

I can remember many times

We had a lot of fun

Shawn, I remember the times

When we went to the pool,

And the times you insisted on pinching me

I’m sorry for being so cruel

Once you moved to Frederick

And started the first grade,

I remember asking you "How’s school"?

Man, it seems like yesterday

One very special memory

That nothing can outweigh,

Was helping you build your model rocket

On that Christmas Day

I'm grateful for the time we spent together

When your parents went away,

We had so much fun together

I really enjoyed your stay

I know there are things teenagers do

Just to be one of the guys,

I must admit your bleach blond hair

Caught me by surprise

Even though there were times

We didn’t see eye to eye,

I always thought, but never said

"Shawn, you’re a good guy!"

Shawn, I promise I’ll never forget you

As you start this life that’s new,

I would like to finally say these unspoken words

" Shawn, I love you"

                                            - Uncle Danny Paugh

                                        September, 2000

In Loving Memory of Shawn DeHaven

There is a burning when you cry,

It starts to come when someone dies,

The pain you feel as your eyes swell,

And tears fill up in the wells.

The burn starts to choke you up,

Words come out slow and shaken

You close your eyes and wonder why,

That there's a burning when you cry.

When Shawn left it felt like hands around my throat

I couldn't talk, I couldn't see,

The burn overwhelmed me.

My heart is heavy,

This is why

You get the burn when you cry.

It digs down deep,

You cannot sleep,

You toss and turn in your sheets.

Awaken with sobs and wet pillow cases,

You wonder aimlessly-look into the sky,

You feel the burn when you cry.

-Matt

6/23/01

Shawn is kneeling on left; Matt

is next to him.

June, 2000

Dear Mr. & Mrs. DeHaven, Kyle & Brent,

I cannot begin to express the sorrow I feel for your family. This situation has been so surreal to me that I have been practically speechless. But I have been experiencing a flood of memories and emotions that I felt I should write down.

I just wanted to tell you all that Shawn was a really important person in my life. I can still remember my first week on Deerfield Place. I went to my first day at Waverley Elementary and noticed a mop-haired kid in Ms. Carrington’s class with me. Later that day after school let out, I noticed Shawn playing at the end of your driveway; however, I was much too nervous to go talk to him. My dad finally took me into the street and started tossing a football around with me. Eventually Shawn made his way over, as well as Wesley, Joseph and Philip. Shawn and I exchanged words about how we were in the same class and for the next seven years we seemed inseparable.

I can remember all the years of walking to school, where we would collect rubber bands and use them as a form of currency or when we would collect salt rocks on the road because we thought they were crystals. I will never forget the time Shawn and I made a vacuum hose into a telephone. Shawn went and sat in the bathroom while I stayed in the laundry room and we talked about girls through this tube. I remember all the times we would put on a magic show for my parents and they would await our "disappearing act". I can remember turning our yards into golf courses and baseball fields. There was always hide and seek when we would dress in all black and prowl the neighborhood. There was about a two-year period where we would spend every day at Wes’s house playing Mario Kart and burying time capsules in his backyard. I can remember numerous times playing in your basement and creating stores out of cardboard bricks. I can remember turning your backyard swing set into an American Gladiators set or play "run through the swings". I remember all our sleepovers consisting of "the sliding game" or hide and seek in Wes’s basement. I can remember one time we were playing baseball in my backyard and we were asking people to come watch. The only person that would come was Sean Nicholson, and Wes charged him for popcorn.

Every time I think of my childhood, I immediately think of Shawn. So much time was spent with him. I have always thought of him as a "true friend" because of how he helped me through my eye surgery. Almost everyday he would come over to my house to talk, deliver letters from schoolmates or read to me. Then when I returned to school he and Matt Ripa would argue everyday over who would forfeit their recess to sit on the stage with me. Now that I look back on it, this impressed me so much because most kids do not sacrifice their needs for those of others. He helped me get through a very rocky time in my life.

Unfortunately over the past two years or so, Shawn and I seemed to move apart. However, this drift was by chance and not by choice. Although we drifted, I still felt a connection with him. I would always worry about him and his decisions. I just always wanted to make sure he wasn’t doing anything stupid, which I don’t think he ever did. I would always make sure people knew who he was if they were not familiar with him when I was telling a story. Although we talked few and far in between over these last years, when we did it was just like old times. We would never try to impress each other, we would always ask honest questions. These were questions you couldn’t ask just anyone, only someone you trusted.

I can remember the last time I talked to him. It was a week or so after Prom. I saw him and some friends at the bowling alley. I went over and we exchanged some words, mostly about girls, and why he didn’t go to Prom. We both noticed how much we had changed, but I missed the old days when we were so close.

Anyway, my main intention for this letter was to assure you all that our thoughts and prayers are with you and although we cannot begin to imagine what you must be going through, we are devastated. My mom told me "when I look at Shawn, I see you". It’s true, Shawn has been and will be a part of my life, regardless of the fact that we started to drift. This experience has made me cherish my days on Deerfield Place with Shawn. I know he loved you all very much. Anyway, I wish you all luck through this tragedy and want you to know that Shawn had a great impact on at least one person’s life. I will never forget him and I hope nobody else will either.

Love, BJ Tokar

Ms. Carrington's second grade class